The Campfire: Cheer Up England

Saeed Ajmal trying to bring some comic relief to
the proceedings after witnessing the England team's
despondent expressions in the nets

Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindboggingly big it is.

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

“Vogon poetry is of course the third worst in the Universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria... The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Kinkminos of a dusty backwater known as Please-do-buy, in the destruction of the planet Earth.”

Phoney Beatlemania had bitten the dust...

...but that was just a temporary aberration. Today glam rocks like never before (and I don't just mean musically) and The Clash is generally considered to be a crock of shit. Welcome to the 21st century if you've just arrived.

Excerpts from random Clash songs

Complete Control

They said we'd be artistically free
when we signed that bit of paper
they meant let's make a lotsa mon-ee
an' worry about it later

This is Joe Public speaking
I'm controlled in the body
controlled in the mind

White Man In Hammersmith Palais

But it was Four Tops all night
with encores from stage right
charging from the bass knives
to the treble
but onstage they ain't got
no roots rock rebel
onstage they ain't got no...
roots...
rock rebel
...
All over people changing their votes
along with their overcoats
If Adolf Hitler flew in today
they'd send a limousine anyway

Revolution Rock

Careful how you slide Clyde
all you did was glide
and you poured your beer in me hat
with my good eye on the beat
living on fixation street
I ain't got no time for that
hey
everybody smash up your seats
and rock to this brand new beat
this here music mash up the nation
this here music cause a sensation
tell your ma, tell your pa
everything's gonna be all right
can't you feel it?
don't ignore it
gonna be al-ri-i-ight
revolution rock
I am in a state of shock
so bad bad rock
this here revolution rock

Lover's Rock

You western man
you're free with your seed
when you make lover's rock
But whoops! there goes
the strength that you need
to make real cool lovers rock
cos a genuine lover
takes off his clothes
And he can make a lover
in a thousand go's
An she dont need that thing
that she had oh oh to swallow

Bankrobber

The old man spoke up in a bar
said I never been in prison
a lifetime serving one machine
is ten times worse than prison

Imagine if all the boys in jail
could get out now together
whadda you think they'd want to say to us
while we was being clever

Someday youll meet your rocking chair
cos that's where we're spinning
there's no point to wanna comb your hair
when it's grey and thinning

Rudie Can't Fail

Hear them sayin:
how you get a rude and a reckless
don't you be so crude and-a feckless
you been drinking brew for breakfast
rudie cant fail

So we reply
I know that my life make you nervous
but I tell you I can't live in service
like a doctor born for a purpose
rudie cant fail

London Calling

London calling to the imitation zone
forget it brother
you can go it alone
London calling to the zombies of death
quit holding out
and draw another breath
London calling and I don't wanna shout
but when we were talking
I saw you nodding out
London calling see we aint got no highs
except for that one
with the yellowy eyes

The ice age is coming
the sun is zooming in
engines stop running
the wheat is growing thin
a nuclear error
but I have no fear
cos London is drowning
and I live by the river

We miss you Joe Strummer,
even though you look
like a character out of
Brighton Rock here

The Campfire

Pages

12 February 2012

Cheer Up England

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