My dear Muslim brother!

The other day I saw a man on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don't do it, brother!”
 
He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
 
“Yes, of course.”

I said, “Are you a Muslim or a non-Muslim?”
 
“Muslim.”

I said, “Me, too! Shia or Sunni?”
 
“Sunni.”

“Me, too! What mazhab?”
 
“Hanafi.”

“Me, too! Deobandi or Barelvi?”
 
“Barelvi.”

“Me too! Tanzeehi or Tafkeeri?”
 
“Tanzeehi.”

“Me, too! Tanzeehi Azmati or Tanzeehi Farhati?”
 
“Tanzeehi Farhati.”

“Me, too! Tanzeehi Farhati Jamia ul Uloom Ajmer, or Tanzeehi Farhati Jamia ul Noor Mewat?”
 
“Tanzeehi Farhati Jamia ul Noor Mewat.”

“Go to hell!” I told him and pushed the damned kaafir off the bridge.