The King is a Fink! Long Live the King!

a politically correct inept allegory by Finkminos


Pokeystan is an Asian nation with a population of 80m people. In a recent development, unprecedented in human history, 79.99 million Pokeystanis have successfully applied for political, social and psychotic asylum in various countries throughout the civilised and uncivilised world. According to a survey conducted by the Galoop Galoop Organisation (whose motto, as we all know, is "The King is a Fink!"), every single respondent interviewed (and most married ones) claimed that the Angel Gabriel had appeared to them in a dream and told them to migrate to another country. As the respondents included not only Muslims and Christians, but people of the Hindu and Zoroastrian faiths, this struck the GGO as being a possibly fraudulent claim. Interviewers were told to conduct repeat interviews and, under intense grilling, the respondents broke down and admitted that the real reason was the impending appointment of Pir Asaf Ali Shah of Zarda Shareef as the next Führer of the Slavish Republic of Pokeystan.

If my Chinese-designed-and-built calculator is as accurate as it claims to be on the packaging, once all the successful asylum seekers leave, the country will be left with a resident population of 10,000 people. According to senior political statisticians, this is precisely the number of people required to successfully hand-carry the entire contents of Pokeystan's state coffers to private Swiss bank accounts. Serendipity most surely works in mysterious ways.

It is estimated that transporting almost-but-not-quite 80 million Pokeystanis to countries as far apart as Palau, Mali, Kiribati, Somalia, Belize and the United States will take at least thirteen days. That is if all the country's Matter Transference Pods remain in full working order, and the required quantities of enriched di-lithium can be procured on time.

Pir Asif Ali Shah is thrilled at the prospect of the impending mass exodus. Speaking from behind the veil of anonymity (to protect, claim his bevy of simpering lickspittles, millions of Pokeystanis from being blinded by the light of his seraphic smile), the Leader-in-Waiting expressed his delight at millions of Pokeystanis being finally able to pursue their dreams of travelling the globe. "The world," he intoned pontifically, "is their oyster. This one here is mine. Schlurrrrrp. Yum. Burrrrrp!"

Work is already underway on a biopic detailing the pious and holy life of Pir Sahib. According to sources close to him, the Pir had wanted Heath Ledger to play him in the film, stating that all the actor needed to do was arrive off the set of The Dark Knight without costume- or character-change in order to accurately portray the Pir. When told that the talented actor was dead, Pir Sahib was shattered, but recovered quickly and is now trying to decide between Jackie Chan and Paris Hilton. The former is the more likely choice, as nobody would deny that Ms Hilton (plug-ugly enough as it is) would look quite hideous with a mustache.